The Mutchler family was at a breaking point. Their blended family included seven kids, and their home was filled with frequent fighting, name-calling, and aggressive interactions. The parents, Michael and Dian, knew something had to change — they wanted peace, wanted connection — but no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t seem to break the cycle. They felt stuck, unsure how to move forward or where to even begin.

“Little things could spiral really hard, like a snap of a finger,” Michael Mutchler said, recalling that he felt especially hopeless. “There was no hope of things getting better. We were just trying to make it all work.”

That’s when they enrolled in Utah Youth Village’s Families First Program, an intensive, in-home intervention designed to help families build stronger relationships and reduce household stress. 

“We’re supposed to just know how to parent, right?” Denise Kimber, vice president of programs at Utah Youth Village, said. “But that’s just not true.”

The Mutchlers were doing their best to navigate the complex dynamics of their family.

“I thought I was doing a good job,” said Michael Mutchler. “I didn’t realize that I was doing so many things that were like stepping on landmines, especially with our teenagers. Step on any of those mines, and the conversation is just ruined.”

Utah Youth Village provided the guidance and support the family needed. Over 12 weeks, specialists in the Family First Program worked alongside them in their home, teaching practical skills like consistent discipline, calm communication, emotional regulation, and de-escalation techniques.

For families like the Mutchlers, who sought help on their own, the goal is to create a home where every child feels they belong. For others, the immediate priority may be to prevent foster care placement and begin restoring stability.

“I have yet to meet a parent who doesn’t genuinely want what is best for their kids,” said Kimber. “They just may not know how to do it.”

It’s not that struggling parents don’t care — it’s usually the opposite. But when they don’t have the practical skills to turn things around, even the best intentions can fall short. Here’s how Utah Youth Village has helped the Mutchlers and other families close that gap.

Asking for help is hard — but worth it

For some parents, reaching out for support can feel like admitting failure.

“I think people are scared that if they reach out for help, it means something’s wrong with them or their family,” said Kimber. “But in reality, asking for help is one of the bravest things a parent can do.”

Dian Mutchler remembers having those doubts early on. “At first, it was like, ‘Am I not a good parent? Where am I going wrong?’” she said. She recalls how nervous they felt before their first visit from the Families First team. “We cleaned everything — we wanted to make a good impression. Looking back, it feels a little silly, because they weren’t here to judge us. They were here to help.”

From the very beginning, specialists worked to put the whole family at ease. There were no lectures or harsh evaluations — just small talk, smiles, and games.

“They started by building relationships,” Michael Mutchler said. “The first couple of visits didn’t feel like interventions. It was just getting to know each other. From the outside, it might not have looked productive, but that rapport was everything. You’re not going to open up to a stranger.”

That approach worked not just with parents, but with the kids — including the older ones. “The teenagers weren’t open to it at all at first,” Dian Mutchler said. “They were like, ‘Nope, not doing it.’ But somehow, the specialists got them to participate. It was amazing.”

By offering support without stigma, the nonprofit dismantles the shame that often surrounds parenting struggles. Because the truth is: Parenting is hard, and it takes courage to admit when you’re in over your head — and even more to do something about it.

Eventually, Dian Mutchler came to see vulnerability as strength. “I realized it’s OK to ask for help,” she said. “It’s OK to open up and use the resources that are out there. Because once you do, it makes a huge difference — not just for you, but for your kids. For your whole family.”

The parenting ‘fork in the road’

One of the core tools Families First uses is corrective teaching. Instead of yelling or resorting to empty threats, parents learn how to create a learning moment that builds trust and connection.

“There’s a big difference between punishment and consequences,” said Kimber. “Punishment is typically emotional and reactive. It’s about seeking justice — ‘you hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you back.’ But a consequence is about saying, ‘Yeah, that was a bad choice — and here’s how we learn from it together.’”

This is something Michael Mutchler related to. “There’s a better way,” he explained. “[You can] actually create an opportunity for the child to learn from the situation, come up with something they could have done better, and practice it.”

Parents also learn how to follow up with natural, consistent consequences that build confidence, not fear. For example, instead of scolding a child for running through the store, a parent might say: “I know it’s hard to stay close when there are so many fun things to look at. But when you stay by the cart, I know I can trust you — and I’m more likely to say yes to other things you want to do later.” 

Then they model the behavior, practice it with their child, and follow through with positive reinforcement — maybe a special snack or a favorite show.

It’s not about letting kids off the hook. It’s about giving them the tools to succeed.

“I can give a consequence and have it be really relationship-building, which is kind of a novel thought, right?” said Kimber. “But I absolutely can, and kids feel safer with that kind of structure. They know what to expect. They know the boundaries are consistent. And most importantly, they know that even when they mess up, their parent is still on their team.”

How to climb out of hopelessness

A turning point for Michael Mutchler came when he learned about negative sentiment override — the mental habit of assuming the worst in someone, where even neutral or kind words are filtered through a negative lens. When parents fall into this pattern, they begin expecting bad behavior before it happens, making it hard to notice or appreciate their child’s progress.

“If you think negatively about something over and over and over again, there are very few positives left,” said Michael Mutchler.

Families First introduced him to praise approximation, a tool that helps interrupt this cycle. Instead of waiting for perfect behavior, parents are encouraged to notice and affirm small steps in the right direction. If a teenager slams the door but doesn’t yell, that restraint can be acknowledged. If a child starts to clean their room but gets distracted, the initial effort is still worth pointing out. 

At first, it felt like a minor shift. But after a few days of practicing it consistently, Michael Mutchler noticed a change — in his kids and in himself. “It made me realize I can think positively about my kids again,” he said. 

That realization shifted everything. What had felt like a hopeless decline now looked like a path upward: “If I keep using this tool, it will get better and better.”

For Dian Mutchler, one breakthrough came with a tool called observe and describe. Instead of reacting emotionally to her 7-year-old’s breakdowns, she learned to calmly name what was happening in the moment — like pointing out clenched fists or raised voices. By describing behavior without judgment, she could help her daughter recognize what was happening and begin to shift toward self-regulation. “It changed the dynamic completely,” she said.

Another key breakthrough was de-escalation. Dian Mutchler realized that trying to connect emotionally — offering hugs or explanations — often overwhelmed her daughter even more. Through the program, she learned to give space first, then re-engage slowly and gently. 

“When she seems ready to talk, I’ll say something like, ‘Hey, you know that really sucked. I’m sorry that happened,’” she explained. “And then, once she’s talking to me, then I can give little instructions, like, ‘Can you put your shoes on? Can you take a deep breath with me?’”

“It just makes everything easier,” she said. “Now, she actually wants to be around me more.”

Together, these tools didn’t just reduce conflict; they helped the Mutchlers see their children — and themselves — through a more compassionate, capable lens. What once felt like a downward spiral has become a climb back toward connection, trust, and hope.

Recently, the Mutchlers’ 13-year-old told them their home feels “less aggressive” now. Michael Mutchler doesn’t think they could have done it alone. “It’s really, really, really hard to turn around by yourself because there’s so much that you don’t know.” 

He doesn’t feel hopeless anymore. “The downward trajectory is over,” he said. “There’s no more, ‘We’re crashing and burning, and I have zero clue how to fix it.’ I know how to fix it, and everybody else in the house does, too. When I use a tool, they recognize it. We’re still practicing and fitting all the pieces together, but we’re trying to get to the point where our knee-jerk reaction is the tool, not what we used to do.”

Utah Youth Village is supported by Stand Together Foundation, which empowers individuals to reach their full potential through community-driven change.

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