Two months before Maggie Lin turned 18, she attended a crash course in adulthood. She rode a bus to a community center where a facilitator handed her a thick binder and directed her to a seat with other teens about to age out of foster care.

“The binder had things like how to open a bank account, balance a checkbook, rent an apartment, and some stuff about relationships and sexual health,” she recalled. Once everyone was settled, the facilitator guided the group through the contents of the binder.

Six hours later, Lin collected her $40 payment for attending the workshop and boarded the bus back to her foster home. That was all the preparation the foster care system in California provided.

“After leaving the workshop, I felt completely overwhelmed, confused, and scared about my future,” Lin said more than a decade later. “I felt so alone in the world. How was I going to navigate? I had no idea how I would survive on my own without a roof over my head, or where my next meal would come from.” 

Luckily, Lin had a mentor in her foster mother, Kate. 

“I’ve had a lot of people in my life who provided small acts of kindness that carried me through some dark times in foster care, but I never had a mentor who was well-educated and employed,” Lin said. “I had no example of that before Kate.” 

In the United States, 23,000 youth age out of foster care each year. They’ve grown up with instability. Studies show they have experienced significantly more foster placements than other children in the foster care system. When they age out, 20% are left without homes. 

Meanwhile, only 16% of 18 to 24-year-olds leaving their parents’ homes are financially independent, and most of them still go to their parents for support and advice about their jobs, physical health, and friendships.

Lin’s relationship with Kate marked a turning point for her. Kate’s belief in her gave Lin the confidence to pursue college and a career. 

Today, as co-founder and executive director of Foster Nation, Lin is reshaping mentorship for youth aging out of foster care. Drawing on Lin’s experience, Sparks — Foster Nation’s six-month flagship program —pairs mentors (called coaches) and mentees (proteges) to work on essential life skills. This program allows proteges to select their focus areas, and it emphasizes the mentorship relationship, where transformation occurs for both coach and protege.

Could stable, one-on-one mentor relationships be the key to changing outcomes for youth aging out of foster care?

What exactly is mentorship? (And what isn’t it?)

At 26, Arvonique Williams has participated in many programs for youth who have aged out of foster care. One of those programs involved working with a life coach.

“She would come to my apartment every week to check on me,” said Williams. “We would discuss how my week went and if I needed any help as far as counseling services or any type of resources.”

It was nothing like the relationship Williams now has with Nicola Lambo, the coach Foster Nation paired her with about nine months ago.

“With Nicola, I have a mother figure,” she said. 

According to Lin, many mentorship models focus on programs more than relationships. They’re set up with efficiency in mind. One adult keeps tabs on many young people, much like Williams’ life coach in the previous program. 

“The traditional mentorship model is a ‘big brother’ or ‘big sister’ who is responsible for 40 participants who check in with them,” said Lin. 

At Foster Nation, mentorship focuses on empowering individuals through transformative one-on-one relationships that benefit both parties. The organization offers a curriculum for coaches and proteges to explore together, covering many of the same topics found in Lin’s old binder. However, it’s far from rigid. One of the initial steps Williams and Lambo took was to prioritize the lessons, ensuring they focused on the subjects most important to Williams.

“We put individualization at the center of everything,” Lin said. “We don’t tell the coaches and proteges how they should have that relationship. There’s no algorithm to say this is what it’s supposed to look like. Our goal is to not be involved at all so the mentorship relationship can blossom organically.”

For Williams, the biggest difference between her relationship with Lambo and her previous life coach is reciprocation.  

“Nicola tells me her perspectives,” Williams said. “We have a lot of back and forth. With a mentor, I would want her to talk to me as well. If I ever have a concern about anything, she’s there for me, and I’m there for her if she ever wants to talk.”

“We grow together,” said Lambo. “I’m nowhere near perfect. I’ve got plenty to learn, plenty to grow. I’ve learned a lot about what resilience looks like just from knowing her.”

Lin sees this over and over again in surveys of participants. While both coaches and proteges report feeling empowered by the experience, coaches consistently score high on their own personal transformation.

“A lot of people come into these programs thinking they’re the helper, but if you’re the helper, then somebody needs to be helped,” said Lin. “We tell coaches over and over again, ‘You are more likely to learn from this youth. Your role is not to be the helper, but to just be in their corner.’” 

‘What does trust look like to you?’ 

Trusting another person can be difficult for anyone, but it can be especially challenging for someone who has grown up in foster care. Lin considers herself relatively lucky to have lived in only six different homes between the ages of 10 and 18. Nationwide, more than a third of children in foster care move at least three times a year.

“We work with youth that have moved through anywhere from 30 to 50 foster homes,” Lin said. “You pick up a lot of maladaptive skills. You learn not to trust anyone, and you learn that you’re really on your own, that you have to take care of yourself. It keeps you from learning to ask for help.”

Lin encourages coaches and proteges to focus on one question first: “What does trust look like to you?”

Lexy Sanchez began to trust her Foster Nation coach, Sage Brand, a few sessions into their mentorship when she noticed Brand’s consistency.

“I started to trust her more because she was always there,” Sanchez said about Brand. “She’s very consistent and genuine and passionate. I could see it. Maybe it’s from my experiences, but I’m really good at judging whether people are genuine and trustworthy, and so I felt like I could open up to her.”

Having some experience living with extended family in the foster system, Brand knew not to force the relationship. She has been intentional about giving Sanchez space to express herself.

“Some people who work with aged out foster youth will try to dig at personal information,” said Brand. “I wanted to be really mindful of that trauma and that experience and make sure that it wasn’t the main focus. Trust is about building a safe place and making sure the person knows you’re genuinely listening to them. It’s bringing up things she’s mentioned that are important to her. The little details really count.” 

That safe space has been important. Sanchez signed up for the mentorship because she felt she needed help connecting professionally with other people. Currently a senior in college, she hopes to attend medical school. Her relationship with Brand has given her the confidence to apply for scholarships and build her network. 

Recently she’s been cold-calling medical clinics in her area to find more opportunities to volunteer and gain experience. “If I’m totally honest, before this program and before Sage, I wouldn’t have done that on my own,” said Sanchez. “Anxiety was holding me back from so many opportunities.”

Many Foster Nation participants report improvements in their mental health (89%), academic performance (78%), confidence in professional communication (33% increase), and average income (114% increase).

“It’s important for youth to feel like they are seen and heard, that they belong to a community, that they matter, and that they’re not alone in their journey of life,” said Lin.

How to build a two-way mentoring relationship 

Lambo and Brand each aimed to keep the focus on their proteges but found that sharing their own experiences, when appropriate, deepened the relationship. For example, during a financial literacy lesson, Lambo shared with Williams that she and her husband had once hit rock bottom financially. 

“I was surprised,” said Williams. “They just seem like a really amazing power couple, but I was also grateful. It made me realize that everyone goes through hard things. I was just so very happy that she was able to share that piece of her with me, even though it was a sensitive topic.”

Brand connected with Sanchez over tasks as seemingly simple as upgrading her laptop or exploring her financial aid options for college — because those are significant challenges when you’re navigating them for the first time.

“I would drop little information bits like, ‘I understand this because I had to personally go through this,’” said Brand, admitting that even revealing these small personal details helped her to grow by pushing her out of her comfort zone. 

Both coach-protege pairs have extended their relationships beyond Foster Nation’s six-month program — with no plans to end. Lambo and Williams are studying a book together, while Brand continues to support Sanchez in her journey toward medical school. 

Williams noted that her connection with Lambo has positively impacted all her relationships. She now has more frequent, meaningful conversations with her sister and is more present with her husband and two young children.

Both Brand and Lambo said watching their proteges grow has been the most fulfilling part of the experience. “It’s given me the opportunity to show up for someone else,” said Lambo. “When you’re able to be there for someone, that, in turn, deposits a lot in you.”

“I got to see Lexy progress, set certain goals, and reach them,” said Brand. “That was really a great experience to see it through her eyes and to witness her growth.”

Foster Nation is supported by Stand Together Foundation, which empowers individuals to reach their full potential through community-driven change. Discover how you can provide one-on-one support to young people aging out of foster care as a Sparks Coach with Foster Nation.

Learn more about Stand Together’s efforts to build strong and safe communities and explore ways you can partner with us.